My job. As in. What I do.

Bupa International

Yes I know, 'wtf is that', right? Well, it's one of the world's largest health insurance companies and I work for the international branch.

Basically, what I do from Monday to Friday, is receive medical information and bills and process these in our system, calculate a reimbursement and then issue this to either a hospital, clinic, doctor or our insured. This takes an intense knowledge of insurance plans, worldwide knowledge of culture and languages and of course, medical awareness.

In October 2009 it was announced by our head office based in Brighton, England - that due to the economical climate (What is that anyway?), we had to cut back on our staff. Ever since, our little world has been rocked back and forth with insecure estimates and a million staff meetings.

Today, we lost 19 staff members...

I was not one of them!

Regardless of the fact that I was not fired makes me insanely sad to realize that I lost 19 of my esteemed colleagues today. I am proud of the people that were 'deemed redundant' today and how well they coped with it.

Personally I would probably just make a scene and throw myself on the floor, kicking and screaming until someone stuffed a solid severance bonus check down my throat, but that was not the case. Fortunately for my team - that would have been a mess.

On a side note, now that the department has decreased in size, our giant office space will be shared with the MCP.

Now, MCPS does is not an abbreviation for Males Competitive Penis Syndrome - even though that would be a very fitting title for my next subject of my rant.

MCP is our Medical Center Provider.

And MCP has a manager who is very British in the 'I wear polka dotted jeans to work on Casual Friday' sense.

Heiko.

The most common expression when facing Heiko's fashion sense.

Okay, so I know that whenever I walk by his office, he will stare at my rear, obviously. And I understand that he has a hard time not being too excited when accidentally bumping into me in the canteen and how he - today - felt he needed to give me a hug when I wasn't even the one being fired.

But now his office becomes my office.... As we are all put together in one giant office.

Cost effectiveness they call it.

I call it war.

......

What is it with men anyway? Why must you be so ridiculously retarded whenever a girl you fancy is nearby? The more you show interest in a girl, the more repulsive you become. If we ask you for your address, you might not even be able to stutter it out while your eyes are busy gorging in the mountain of flesh attached on the anterior axis distal to our collarbone.

I dread the Summer party. Because it will be hot and I will be gleaming and wearing a dress that, no matter how I try to cover myself up, will make me appear more naked than the statue of David. At least to Heiko.

I can just imagine him - making sweet moves on the dancefloor (Wearing polka dots maybe?), in an attempt to impress me. It's just uncool. It does not appeal to my primal urges. Acting out a seizure victim does not make you a good lover. Unless you are into that sort of thing?

So today I decided to see if he could manage other moves than smile retardedly at me whenever I am in the sphere of his existense and possibly provoke some sort of unbritish, unethical reaction from him. You can call me scientific, or just bored.

How about a good old-fashioned battle of the sexes, yes? Pull some rank! Or seduce him with meatloaf?

Well, I decided to ask him about the many distress calls they receive at the medical center, so I asked him if he had ever heard of women being abused by the brutality that is most commonly known as a husband?

According to our vague policy conditions, we do not cover such a thing as abuse but what if a woman was in need of medical assistance after a beating? (And she told him no thrice)

Would it be considered as the same procedure when a father (and a doctor) performs surgery on his dog/daughter in the backyard?

And Heiko did respond. He found it a very odd question and asked me why I would like such a thing in our manual. So I decided to show him some statistics of how many cases we have had of these abuses and how many women worldwide are abused and there is nothing they can do about it.

Heiko hugged me. That's all he did. Seriously.

An artists rendering of today's argument at the office.

Needless to say, - he does not abuse his wife. Nor takes me seriously.

Maybe I will huff and puff next time until I can get a more decent reaction out of him.

Anyway. Enough with my rantings about the cosmic irregularity of males.

I did not get fired.

I did not do the dishes yet.

It is now holiday and therefore my weekend has been prolonged and for this weekend I will eat, chum, devour, satisfy my needs until I end up exhausted on the floor Monday morning - ready to bitch and moan about how stupid it was of me to waste another weekend on doing nothing but eat.

Another weekend victim.